{"id":273,"date":"2024-01-14T09:48:04","date_gmt":"2024-01-14T09:48:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/?p=273"},"modified":"2024-02-05T08:44:16","modified_gmt":"2024-02-05T08:44:16","slug":"learn-to-hold-pain-vs-becoming-the-pain","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/?p=273","title":{"rendered":"Learn to Hold Pain VS Becoming the pain"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<p><strong>Learning to hold pain is one of life&#8217;s greatest  lessons: This blog explores the structure of pain and ways to work with it and not against it.   &nbsp;<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">When facing trauma or painful situations, <\/span><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\"><strong>many people unconsciously allow their pain to take root in their entire way of being.<\/strong><\/span><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\"> <\/span><\/strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\"><strong>This results in people actually becoming the pain<\/strong>.<\/span><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\"> When this happens the pain acts like an anchor which becomes so heavy that it will not allow a person to move forward. Like an octopus with tentacles, the pain will infiltrate every aspect of life. We become \u2018stuck\u2019 or \u2018captured\u2019 by it and find that we are not able to begin the healing process. &nbsp;<\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">Trauma and pain has no structured definition <\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">P<\/span>ain <span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">lives in the i<\/span>nterpretation <span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">of the person who experiences it. When we become <\/span>the<span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\"> pain we w<\/span>ill <span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">project <\/span>it outwards<span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\"> i.e. how we show up to the world <\/span>and to others. It will therefore become part of our identity<span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">. Pain can range from: <\/span><\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">a breakdown in relationships<\/span>\/<span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\"> friendships <\/span><\/li><li><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">issues at work <\/span><\/li><li>issues at home<\/li><li><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">from past experiences and\/or fear of the future<\/span><\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<blockquote class=\"wp-block-quote has-text-align-right is-layout-flow wp-block-quote-is-layout-flow\"><p><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\"><strong>Learning to hold pain in one hand<\/strong> as a separate entity <\/span>(<span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">it belongs to one aspect of life<\/span>)<span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\"> and not allowing it to take root at our core is a challenge the majority of my clients wrestle with.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Learning to hold pain is challenging.<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>I would like to legitimize each one reading this post and acknowledge that at times our pain seems overwhelming and that circumstances are unique. However, we are not powerless to our circumstances as there are ways to work with pain. Yes, 100%, pain is sore and we can expect to experience a measure of good and bad days as we move towards healing. However, it is important to realize that when we choose to live in our painful experiences for an extended period of time they have the potential to <strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">turns into moods<\/span><\/strong>. Moods range from self-pity, anxiety, depression etc. Once these moods take hold they will dictate how we interact with ourselves and with others. We have therefore become hi-jacked by the pain.<\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">When pain becomes your identity it will:<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-image is-style-default\"><figure class=\"alignright size-large is-resized\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/57-682x1024.jpg\" alt=\"Pain can consume your entire being\" class=\"wp-image-332\" width=\"233\" height=\"350\" srcset=\"https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/57-682x1024.jpg 682w, https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/57-200x300.jpg 200w, https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/57-768x1152.jpg 768w, https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/57-1024x1536.jpg 1024w, https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2020\/10\/57.jpg 1333w\" sizes=\"auto, (max-width: 233px) 100vw, 233px\" \/><figcaption><strong>When pain becomes our identity<\/strong><\/figcaption><\/figure><\/div>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>Monopolize your internal dialogue<\/li><li>Result in high levels of anxiety and stress as the nervous system is triggered by your interpretation of the event. <\/li><li>You will begin living in and out of the <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/?p=180\">the stories you construct about the event<\/a><\/li><li>Monopolize the conversations you have with others as you seek reassurance that you are &#8216;right&#8217;<\/li><li>Impact your eating and sleeping patterns<\/li><li>Impact your ability to function as a whole and to perform your job effectively<\/li><li>Induce feelings of wanting to isolate<\/li><li>Actively look for ways to escape (e.g.) alcohol, narcotics etc.<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\">Emotions are triggered by external events<\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>If am involved in a relationship and the relationship ends. My relationship belongs to <strong>one part<\/strong> of my life. It <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">doesn&#8217;t encompass all the aspects of my life<\/span>. It does not belong in the category of my job or in the relationships I have with my family\/ friends. However, <strong>once we embody the pain we will become subservient to our emotions and to the moods they bring<\/strong>. Once this happens we have become trapped in the pain. It is helpful to remember that<em><strong> <span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">emotions are triggered by external events, the event does not live inside us. Our interpretation of the event lives inside us<\/span><\/strong><\/em>.  Therefore, it is our interpretation of the event which triggers the nervous system. It truly begins and ends with us. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<p>Through my experience of coaching in the area of pain and anxiety I have compiled a check list which will guide you through some fundamentals towards producing an internal shift. <\/p>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"has-text-align-center wp-block-heading\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Ways to move from being the pain towards holding the pain. <\/span>&nbsp;<\/strong><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<figure class=\"wp-block-table alignleft is-style-regular\"><table class=\"has-subtle-light-gray-background-color has-fixed-layout has-background\"><thead><tr><th class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><\/th><th><\/th><\/tr><\/thead><tbody><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Your Identity lives in pain<\/span><\/strong><\/td><td> <strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Pain belongs within a segment     <\/span>             <\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">The pain has infiltrated every aspect of your life leading to high levels of anxiety and\/ or depressive episodes.  Feelings of resignation have taken root within i.e. &#8216;there is no point&#8217;; &#8216;nothing will change how I feel&#8217;<br><\/td><td> Observe the pain and acknowledge its presence.  However, recognize that the pain belongs to one  aspect of your life &#8211; it does not represent all  aspects    of your life. It isn&#8217;t &#8216;you&#8217; so do not permit it to take     hold of your identity and mimic the <br> person you truly are.<\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">The nervous systems response to pain          <\/span><\/strong><\/td><td> <strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Ways to calm the nervous systems response <\/span><\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">In response to becoming the pain, the nervous system is perturbed (triggered) and your body will be constantly braced for      action (response). One will potentially experience: <br><strong>&#8211;<\/strong> <strong>Tension headaches <\/strong>and <strong>tight shoulder  blades<br>&#8211; Sleeping patterns<\/strong> will be disturbed<strong><br>&#8211; Eating <\/strong>patterns will either be emotional\/  loss of appetite<\/td><td> In order to calm the nervous system the                       following  have proven to be extremely effective:<br><strong> &#8211; Meditation<\/strong> (a quick search on <a href=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/\">YouTube <\/a>will assist in directing you to various guided mediation clips) <br><strong> &#8211; Breathing exercises<\/strong>: These exercises trigger the parasympathetic&nbsp;nervous system which signals the body to relax. <br><br><br><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Resisting (swimming upstream)<\/span><\/strong><\/td><td> <strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Acceptance (flowing with the current) <\/span><\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">When we become the pain we resist letting go of it. We hold ourselves back and constantly relive the breakdown in                                                     our minds by <strong>playing the story<\/strong> over again trying to decipher what went wrong. This includes reliving the story <br>through constantly speaking to others about the injustice of it. Questions such as &#8216;why me&#8217;; &#8216;what could have been different if x,y,z had happened&#8217;; &#8216;if only I had said\/ done x &amp; y&#8217;. <br><strong>&#8211; In resisting acceptance<\/strong>, we hold ourselves back and delay the healing process<br><strong>&#8211;<\/strong> <strong>When we continue to<\/strong> <strong>resist the facticity<\/strong> of the situation, we continue to trigger our nervous system and will therefore live out of a mood of anxiety.<\/td><td>Accept that <strong>pain is a facticity of life<\/strong> (experiencing pain in one&#8217;s life is inevitable). It is helpful to recognize that <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">acceptance does not mean that you approve or agree with the situation &#8211; it simply means that you acknowledge that it has happened<\/span>.<br><strong>&#8211; Recognizing that such episodes will pass<\/strong> in time. It is always helpful to cast your mind back to past similar experiences in which the pain, in time, past<br><br><br><br><br><br><br><br><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Refusing to listen to the pain<\/span><\/strong><\/td><td> <strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Listen to the lessons pain offers <\/span><\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">Every experience in life has a hidden lesson. When we continuously live in our breakdowns we close ourselves off from our innate wisdom. We therefore and close off our listening to what our situation is trying to teach us about ourselves.<\/td><td>When pain is held in one&#8217;s hand VS becoming one&#8217;s identity, we are able to observe it objectively. Conversations with pain may take the form of a need for us to have more personal boundaries. <br><br><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Living in the past or in the future<\/span><\/strong><\/td><td> <strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Living in the present <\/span><\/strong><\/td><\/tr><tr><td class=\"has-text-align-left\" data-align=\"left\">When we allow ourselves to live in the past we, will typically feel <strong>easily overwhelmed with regret or guilt<\/strong>. When we choose to live in the future, we will typically live in anxiety. <br>    <br><\/td><td>In the present, nothing is a threat. When we live in the present moment, the past no longer has a say in our lives (we have closed off that dialogue) and the &#8216;closed door&#8217; of the past will therefore no longer hold guilt or pain. The future contains no expectations <br>and therefore no anxiety. It rather presents itself as a future filled of opportunity.<\/td><\/tr><\/tbody><\/table><\/figure>\n\n\n\n\n\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\">\n<div class=\"wp-block-group is-layout-flow wp-block-group-is-layout-flow\"><div class=\"wp-block-group__inner-container\"><\/div><\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><span class=\"has-inline-color has-black-color\">Audit your interpretations and work alongside your emotions <\/span><\/h4>\n\n\n\n<p>Remember that our emotions are messengers, nothing more. Should we choose to listen to them, and work with them, rather than resist and fight against them they will start to serve us. Therein lies the difference: emotions serve us VS us serving them. Bring your attention to instances in your past which still trigger your nervous system and ask yourself the following questions:<\/p>\n\n\n\n<ul class=\"wp-block-list\"><li>What am I not listening to? (what is the message) <\/li><li>What is my interpretation of the event?<\/li><li>How is my interpretation serving me? Don&#8217;t be too quick to say it isn&#8217;t &#8211; if it wasn&#8217;t serving you, it would no longer trigger you. At times, interpretations can serve us on the lines of &#8220;this interpretation makes me feel justified (I&#8217;m right and they&#8217;re wrong\/ better than the other key players in my interpretation&#8221; <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">Take time to truly listen<\/span> to your interpretation. <\/li><li>Am I lost in the story that surrounds my interpretation? <\/li><li>Who are the key players in my story?<\/li><li>Is my assessment of the key players in my story grounded? (true or embellished?)<\/li><li>What would it feel like to move forward and leave this in the past? (imagine yourself feeling this freedom)<\/li><li>How can I <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">restructure my interpretation<\/span> of the event to better serve me?   <\/li><li>Do I give myself permission <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">to live in<\/span> my new interpretation?<\/li><\/ul>\n\n\n\n<h4 class=\"wp-block-heading\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\">Subscribe to receive regular blog posts by Richard: <a href=\"https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/\">click on this link <\/a><\/span><\/strong><\/h4>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n<p>Richard is an I.C.F Registered Ontological Coach with over 650 hours of practical coaching experience. <strong>Contact Richard directly at&nbsp;<a href=\"mailto:rich@oio24.com\">rich@oio24.com<\/a>&nbsp;to book a<\/strong>&nbsp;<strong>coaching session.<\/strong><\/p>\n\n\n\n<p class=\"has-text-align-center\"><strong><span class=\"has-inline-color has-primary-color\"><em>Should you know of anybody who would benefit from this blog post, please share it. <span style=\"text-decoration: underline;\">It is through creating awareness that we can actively play a part in the healing of others<\/span>.<\/em><\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Learning to hold pain is one of life&#8217;s greatest lessons: This blog explores the structure of pain and ways to work with it and not against it. &nbsp; When facing trauma or painful situations, many people unconsciously allow their pain to take root in their entire way of being. This<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[4],"tags":[132,151,128,150,27],"class_list":["post-273","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-life-lessons","tag-coaching","tag-emotional-intelligence","tag-life-coach","tag-personal-growth","tag-recovery"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v25.9 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Learn to Hold Pain VS Becoming the pain - Overcome Impossible Odds<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Learning to hold pain and listen to its message rather then allowing it to hi-jack your identitiy is one of life&#039;s greatest tools.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/blog.oio24.com\/?p=273\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Learn to Hold Pain VS Becoming the pain - 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